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We're a couple days late on this, but I didn't really see it anywhere else, so here we go. Thanks to naut for posting it on ETS.

Yet another appendage sprouting out of the anomaly known as Maynard James Keenan:

"Enigmatic is a misnomer. Most likely a byproduct of my absence in the press. An assumption arrived at due to the lack of available information, accurate or otherwise. I don't do that many interviews. Generally because of my private life and my classified activities, but mostly because I'm not very good at them. The conversation in my head never matches the conversation that ends up in print." So says the conductor and driving force behind Puscifer, the current project of vocalist Maynard James Keenan.

"I guess maybe it's time to come clean on a few things. As you most likely suspected, I'm an undercover C.I.A. operative. Hence the tendency towards the secretive behavior. I've been an agent since I was 11 years old. I was recruited at a county fair at the age of 8. Multiple blue ribbons in the disciplines of knots, archery, and animal husbandry may have been the carrot that lured in the agency, but I can't be certain. Suffice it to say that not unlike Elvis, I answered when my nation called. Willingly. Of course, all that I've said and all I'm about to disclose is highly classified and not to be repeated. Pinky promise?"

Secrets and the voices in Maynard's head are clearly the fuel that move this new project. Those and perhaps a slightly loose grip on what most of us would consider reality. "Hey! I heard that!" mumbles one of his many voices.

For the moment, let's ignore the voices and focus on the so-called facts.

Puscifer is Maynard's multifaceted, multimedia, multi-artist, multi-personality project. It involves film, music, digital video, garments, feminine hygiene products, coffee, pet supplies, websites, blogs, artist collaborations, a few office supplies, and a grip on the idea that chaos is good and that change is inevitable. Just a few of the artists who have passed through these confusing gates: Mat Mitchell, Tim Alexander, Lei Li, Jonny Polonsky, Cherie Roberts, Ainjel Emme, Brandon Bryant, Danny Lohner, Josh Eustis, Gil and Rani Sharone, Lustmord, Laura Milligan, Meats Meier, Evil Joe Barresi, Trey Gunn, Milla Jovovich, Lisa Germano, Tim Cadiente, Ford Englerth, Jeffrey Brooks, Micah, Alan Moulder, Eddie McClintock, Joe Nagy, Nipples Creelman, Devo. The list goes on.

"Actually, none of these people really exist. Each is a deep cover alias. That none of them bare any resemblance whatsoever to the real me is a testament to my hard work, keen focus, and attention to detail. A few I've been developing for decades." Truth or Tragedy? The verdict is still out.

Many of these collaborative efforts will see the light of day in the Spring of 2007. The release date for the full collection of songs titled V is for Vagina is Oct. 29th, and the scheduled unveiling of several new pieces and garments, available only at puscifer.com, is Sept. 27, the birthday of Maynard's Yorkie and sidekick, Miho (also rumored to be an alias.)

So why this new project? Dare we ask? "I'm on a mission. I've been assigned to be the guardian of a highly classified, highly effective Sonic Weapon of Mass Disruption. This sonic technology when �unleashed,' if you will, causes parts of the anatomy to vibrate uncontrollably. Not unlike when someone yawns, everyone in the surrounding area will be affected. If executed properly, the subjects will be temporarily distracted from their duties. Their bodies will appear to be abducted by the Soul Train, as if J-Lo were auditioning for the �Thriller' video. Awe inspiring. Don't speak a word of it."

Puscifer's debut album, "V is For Vagina", Oct. 29th